I had a dream that you were back

I was at work when I first heard the news
I didn't wanna move felt distraught and confused
I tried to muster up some kinda ruse or excuse
To get myself out of the room once I heard about you
It fuckin' hurts lately I've been blaming myself
I'm ashamed of what I dealt and never reached out to help
None of us knew so I guess you hid it well
But I never fuckin' acted like somebody you could tell
I was going through the same shit the time that it happened
I should've strived for some action, not self satisfaction
If I knew I imagine I would've had to reach out
But I never fucking did I never opened my mouth
To ask how you were doing or to check up on ya
Or to fuckin' hang out- damn the last time I saw ya
Was at Grace' house, didn't even leave with a hug
And now I'm sitting here actin' like I did you enough
When we met we were young, I was so fuckin' cruel
Left you out of fun every time I'd see you at school
And I just wanna cry, now we sayin' goodbye
But ever since the night you died I just wish you survived
Never apologized for the fuckin' way that I acted
We were cool after it happened, but my mind got me captive
And I never got to tell you how I thought and I felt
I was so fuckin' proud that you were doing so well
Lookin' back on it now, I know I always felt bad
But now you're not fucking here and there's no taking it back
All of us miss you, you're always in our family
I failed you every time I made you feel outside or terribly
I wish I was the one that could've reached out to save you
Had I known before you're gone I could be one you relate to
I cant be, I been praying for your family
I been praying for your family

I had a dream that you were back
(I been praying for your family, I been praying for your family)
I was paralyzed, cause' you looked at me terrified
(Praying for your family, I been praying for your family)
My heart was unleashed like no one else
(Praying for your family, I been praying for your family)
I reminisce and want to kiss, the dirt that turned to dust